Five terrible things couples do unintentionally in marriage

There are few things couples do unintentionally in marriage which harm your spouse. I feel It is very important to avoid below things as this is something we are doing unknowingly, decreasing our partner’s ability to grow personally and professionally.

1)      Making your spouse feel guilty

This tops my list of the lousy things couples do to each other. Feeling guilty about many things has long been seen as a female trait. For some reason, women try really hard to be 'great wives', 'great mothers' and 'great professionals' all rolled into one. Most women have a well developed guilt gene. We don't need men adding to it. 'Didn't you pay the electricity bill?' or 'Jesus! It cost 3000 bucks?' or 'Baby---Hasn't the house been cleaned today?' might sound like very innocent, matter-of-fact questions to a guy. But this is enough to send a woman's guilt complex into over-drive. Later, if you ask her, 'what's the matter? Was it something I said?' and she says 'No. Nothing', do not blame her.

We need to agree even women do make their husbands feel guilty or nitpick over small things.  So both needs to stop doing it.

2)      Getting in awe of your hotshot spouse

Most of us admire our spouse for their professional achievements. Well, isn’t it something we feel proud at? Of course feeling proud of spouse’s achievement is  great and natural. But singing the praise song all the time and getting in your spouse’s awe will make you unintentionally ignore the wrong things he/she might be doing. Spouse should be best critic of yours but for that they need to look at you beyond your profession. They should be one telling, look Honey, you are really great but this is something you are going WRONG. If this doesn’t happen you might be living in your own bubble with little chance to improve.

3)      Getting Overprotective and over pampering

Protecting and pampering is fine till it is restricted to moderate limits.” Sweetheart! why do you need to take a bus, wait till weekends I’ll take you to meet your aunt”  or “Order from outside, why do you need to take a pain of cooking Khichadi for the dinner” or” Baby, I am there to take care of our family, don’t exhaust yourself with the full time job, you can afford to be a house wife”. These might sound like a doting spouse’s statements but actually you are stopping your spouse from doing something which can add value to their life.  It’s okay if she travels her own to meet her aunt in different city or she takes your car for wash if she has time. And it is also okay if he is babysitting or cooking if you have to catch friends for a coffee. Overprotecting or over pampering your spouse can lead to their declining of confidence while interacting in society in long run.

4)      Laid back in your profession as your spouse is working

Nowadays it’s a DINK(Double Income No Kids) era. It surely provides us the luxurious life with little less effort.  I have seen my many friends taking job less serious after realising your partner is working great. But don’t forget, marriage is not a meal ticket. A working spouse should be taken as an opportunity to run after excellence and in the process if we make less money we have something to fall back. Having a working spouse makes us financially more secure, we can concentrate better on our profession. So actually it’s an opportunity to prepare for our desirable professional goal even if it involves little more risk.

5)      Not being honest while providing feedback

We seek feedback from each other on various points. May it be the new dress for office, the brand new painting you have just finished with or any incident in life. In the fear of breaking out darling’s heart, we don’t give the honest feedback  but we actually end up hurting their personality. As we don’t provide true opinion they don’t improve. Once we give feedback, we should not impose to follow it. It should be left to her/him to decide.