MJ on my canvas

If you have to say something....I am listening:)

Five terrible things couples do unintentionally in marriage

There are few things couples do unintentionally in marriage which harm your spouse. I feel It is very important to avoid below things as this is something we are doing unknowingly, decreasing our partner’s ability to grow personally and professionally.

1)      Making your spouse feel guilty

This tops my list of the lousy things couples do to each other. Feeling guilty about many things has long been seen as a female trait. For some reason, women try really hard to be 'great wives', 'great mothers' and 'great professionals' all rolled into one. Most women have a well developed guilt gene. We don't need men adding to it. 'Didn't you pay the electricity bill?' or 'Jesus! It cost 3000 bucks?' or 'Baby---Hasn't the house been cleaned today?' might sound like very innocent, matter-of-fact questions to a guy. But this is enough to send a woman's guilt complex into over-drive. Later, if you ask her, 'what's the matter? Was it something I said?' and she says 'No. Nothing', do not blame her.

We need to agree even women do make their husbands feel guilty or nitpick over small things.  So both needs to stop doing it.

2)      Getting in awe of your hotshot spouse

Most of us admire our spouse for their professional achievements. Well, isn’t it something we feel proud at? Of course feeling proud of spouse’s achievement is  great and natural. But singing the praise song all the time and getting in your spouse’s awe will make you unintentionally ignore the wrong things he/she might be doing. Spouse should be best critic of yours but for that they need to look at you beyond your profession. They should be one telling, look Honey, you are really great but this is something you are going WRONG. If this doesn’t happen you might be living in your own bubble with little chance to improve.

3)      Getting Overprotective and over pampering

Protecting and pampering is fine till it is restricted to moderate limits.” Sweetheart! why do you need to take a bus, wait till weekends I’ll take you to meet your aunt”  or “Order from outside, why do you need to take a pain of cooking Khichadi for the dinner” or” Baby, I am there to take care of our family, don’t exhaust yourself with the full time job, you can afford to be a house wife”. These might sound like a doting spouse’s statements but actually you are stopping your spouse from doing something which can add value to their life.  It’s okay if she travels her own to meet her aunt in different city or she takes your car for wash if she has time. And it is also okay if he is babysitting or cooking if you have to catch friends for a coffee. Overprotecting or over pampering your spouse can lead to their declining of confidence while interacting in society in long run.

4)      Laid back in your profession as your spouse is working

Nowadays it’s a DINK(Double Income No Kids) era. It surely provides us the luxurious life with little less effort.  I have seen my many friends taking job less serious after realising your partner is working great. But don’t forget, marriage is not a meal ticket. A working spouse should be taken as an opportunity to run after excellence and in the process if we make less money we have something to fall back. Having a working spouse makes us financially more secure, we can concentrate better on our profession. So actually it’s an opportunity to prepare for our desirable professional goal even if it involves little more risk.

5)      Not being honest while providing feedback

We seek feedback from each other on various points. May it be the new dress for office, the brand new painting you have just finished with or any incident in life. In the fear of breaking out darling’s heart, we don’t give the honest feedback  but we actually end up hurting their personality. As we don’t provide true opinion they don’t improve. Once we give feedback, we should not impose to follow it. It should be left to her/him to decide.

God’s delays are not his denials!

I came across the speech Rahul Dravid has delivered for the graduating students on the occasion of BITS Pilani convocation day.He referred this old saying "God’s delays are not his denials!" while describing his long wait to be selected in Indian squad.

The proverb above instantly resonates most of our feelings. There are situations in life when no matter how hard we are working, nothing actually works out.  Somethings are just beyond your control. Sometimes it’s delayed marriage, waiting for the desirable job or promotion in office, trying for a baby, it can be anything. It has happened to me, it has happened to most of us, perhaps it has happened to you as well.

Everything has it’s time. When we do not have control over things after giving our best for any cause we aim at, time gets tough. These are the testing times which may break us if we lose our patience and hope.  But these are also the times which prepare us for any tough situation in life. This is the opportunity to learn to be calm , composed and observe people around you, their approach towards you. We may come across many surprising facts, sometimes support comes from nowhere expected. These are also the opportunities to introspect, learn to be a better person and improve our mental strength.

In such situations we can rewind 5 years back of our own self. Don’t your worries of that time seems irrelevant today? And if there is something we have longed for and it has not come to us then may be there is something bigger and better in store which otherwise we would not have explored.

But Yes!

God’s delays are not his denials!

Time has its own way of taking care of everything. Just wait, watch and keep trying!

Book review - Cuckold

Reading Cuckold after “The Immortals of Meluha” was not a conscious decision. I was looking for Cuckold from many years and incidentally when I went to pick up the “The Secret of Nagas” I spotted “Cuckold” in the same shelf of the library. I just grabbed the book with no second thought. Cuckold made me realize the difference between the writer and the author. Cuckold is a brilliant piece of work by Kiran Nagarkar. As the pages unfold we go eager and deeper in the Rajput Prince Maharaj Kumar’s life. The novel is written in two persons.When Maharaj kumar is alone the novel is in first person. When Maharaj Kumar’s wife and great saint Meerabai is around the novel takes the third person view. The beauty of the novel lies in the simplicity and the scene writings of Author. Written with the strong command over language this incredible story gives you the flavour of everything that could have existed in 16^th Century, the palace life, eunuchs, Rajput wars, political Intrigues,etc. Though there are historical, powerful and important character like Meerabai, author has not taken away the focus from Maharaj Kumar.

Cuckold literally means someone with unfaithful wife. Ahhhh! I suddenly sense your rising interest in the book. Sorry to disappoint your perverted self, but it’s a story of a husband who’s young, beautiful wife has given her heart, soul and life to the Hindu God Krishna. The political scenario, people and their portrayal is also strong enough to believe the characters.

This book is fantastical, gritty, edgy, thrilling, hilarious, enlightening and heartbreaking all at once. I highly recommend it.

Book Review - Immortals of Meluha

Amish Tripathi’s first novel is the epic fantasy. Immortals of Meluha is based on the belief that perhaps the actions, deeds and karma are the only determining factors to metamorphose an ordinary man to a god like figure or god! This is a  story of a 21 years old Guna tribal chief Shiva. The story starts with the Kailash parvat resident Guna tribe fighting with other tribe Pakrits for the land near holy lake “Mansarovar”. Then the plot twists surprisingly as Shiva accepts foreigner Nandi’s offer to migrate to his Country Meluha, the land of Suryavanshi’s. This starts the  beautiful, fascinating journey of Shiva’s life. That was the time when oracles used to turn the wheel of fortune and kingship was seen as an order of divinity, a time which we believe never existed in reality but only in epics and mythologies. And herein lies the greatness of our Classical super-past that always allows us a window to look through it only to find ourselves little insignificant beings in front of such a stupendous cultural cosmos. We also come to know about certain cultural rites beliefs and the logic behind such Dos and Don’ts. The story truly has captured the spirit of those bygone ages in their true color.

Author has used the mythological kernels and factoids beautifully to develop the story. Though it is a fantasy, the knowledge and timing of the mythological incidents and characters is beautiful.  The characters develops slowly but completely as the story unfolds but somewhere it also makes the story predictable. There are variety of reasons to like this book. The pace of the book is very good, the language is simple though it may be difficult to get some words for the people who do not have  insight to Indian mythology

The jargons(includes ‘idiot’) used in the books gives us the feel as if the characters are talking in today’s era and they sound inappropriate. This is the point most readers have criticised Amish for. It would have been better if writer would have avoided the jargons so that reader can actually travel 4000 years back and feel the time. Also in the chapter where Daksha allows Sati to travel with Shiva on the tour to Meluha is the point where Amish goes completely bollywood.  This journey could have been started with some stronger and story complimenting reason. Also the maika system of taking away newly born children from their mothers and being raised in Gurukul, keeping their identity under wraps is something I wonder if Indian society ever had.  However Amish has gone a long way to say how our rich heritage could be used in the modern day and age. It is a very noble beginning. I hope we see more writers taking Indian mythology as the base of their books.

 


If you have to say something....I am listening:)

Rekha Pencil Sketch

She is the inspiration for millions of artist. She is beauty personified. Here comes the classic Indian Diva, Rekha. This is the product of my encounter with Paper and Pencil. Let me know how do you find it.

Ranjanikanth Pencil Sketch

 

This is what I have sketched couple of days ago. These days I am loving to spend time with my sketch book and pencils. This is my self learned hobby. Let me know your feedback on my sketches.